I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
