I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
