So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
