FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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