I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
