Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
