All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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