my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
