We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
