Cold hands, warm shart.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize