she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
