This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
