Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
