i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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