sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
