I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i out mim tonsoeep
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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