And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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