He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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