i was born a porn star she said
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
