Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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