wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
