A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You made out with two different species that night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
