I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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