well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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