You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
