You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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