Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
