you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
