It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
