I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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