Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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