Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
