Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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