where am i from again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Success! We fucked roommates!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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