If i come over, it means nothing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
