Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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