then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
