what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You made out with two different species that night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
