just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
