I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
