I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
