We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
