In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
