You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
