im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
