chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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