mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
