i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
