Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
