I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, he came in my armpit
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
