We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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