i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
