Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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