Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
