what day is it and did you see me today?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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