what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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