You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
