Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
