Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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