Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
