She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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