i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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