I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The power of my boobs compel you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
