Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
