So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
