I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize