Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
