Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
