Your face is a jimmy john
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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