your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
