Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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