Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
