wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
