I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize