I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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