quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
