the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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