im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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