i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
